I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
