big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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