Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
