woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
