so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
