I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
