I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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