You're a womanizer and a bitch.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
