I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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