Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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