she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
