who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
