I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Randomize
