I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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