his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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