I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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