On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize