question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
