I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
