You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
