I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
areolas are like halos for boobs.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize