he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
