i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
