Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
