Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
