All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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