I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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