there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
