STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
