I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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