would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
