my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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