I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
