Please, let me fuck your mom
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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