I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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