I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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