am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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