Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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