I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize