Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
he shaved USA in his pubs
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
