Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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