Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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