Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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