i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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