Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
