Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
