i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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