how hairy? two words: wookie tits
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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