the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize