Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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