Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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