also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
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