It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
