My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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