So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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