You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
