did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
