Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
