So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
