I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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