hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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