So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
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