is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize