It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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