no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You were trust falling into bushes
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize