I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
