No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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