During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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