Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
