i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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